Who am I?

One year ago this seaminly small question popped up in my mind: who am I? It was as if a fog inside my mind all of a sudden appeared and left me there, all alone, wondering: who am I?

As if there was another version inside of me, a sort of true version of me, asking me questions rapidly.

What do you like?
What is your favourite colour?
Why do you do what you do?
And do you love what you do?
Are you happy….? 

I panicked. The answers to all those questions did not come. I had no clear vision about myself anymore. And if you ask yourself: “Are you happy?”,  and the answer is not an immediate ‘yes’, alarm bells should be ringing big time.

Visual journaling

I spend a good few months thinking about all of this. You could say: I spend time with that other self. We started looking for answers. I art journaled a lot. Dark en deep visual journaling.

Clear

After a while it all became super clear to me again. All of the answers were there, all along. But I guess I forgot? It became very clear what I do and what I don’t like. It all was there, right under my nose on a couple of art journaling pages. My art journal made me come home to myself.

“Pinterest is healing”

Another thing that really helped me is that I started using Pinterest frequently again. Pinterest is healing, lol!

I had all these happy pinboards with crafty colorful idea’s that I thought other people would love. I mean, I was trained to do this for years, because of my previous jobs. I used to love these jobs, don’t mistake me. But I guess I made the mistake to become my job. Apparently I had not listened to the advice: “You are not your job”.

Removing boards

I started pinning. Pinning for me. And for me alone. Over the coarse of these past 12 months I started removing boards that I had once created for my previous jobs. (I mean, I don’t even know how to crochet! I am horrible with fabric. And only people who truly know me, know I dislike sticky kids crafts, lol!!! Shhh. Don’ tell anyone.) I’ve always fancied fine art. I love darker, more meaningful things. And slowly, one click at a time, my true self became visible. The boards are public, so it is no secret. But for me Pinterest became actually a pretty powerful tool to get to know myself better. I am thankful for Pinterest!

I (re)discovered:

Did you ever feel lost like this? And did art journaling help you overcoming this? Or did you find other ways, like I did with Pinterest? I am curious to hear about it!

With love,
Marieke Blokland

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